Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
