I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Sober January is a disaster.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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