my room smells like sperm. sweet.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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