people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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