there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Randomize
