i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
