Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
