i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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