I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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