even my farts smell like vagina
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
