In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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