U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
