you guys were way drunker than both of me
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
