bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
