You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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