Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
