im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
