go do what you do best...puke behind churches
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
