meet me or not, i'm out of control
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
