I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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