"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
