you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
