He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
