if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It's blow job season.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
