when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
