if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
