is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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