I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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