Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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