I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
