I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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