I accidentally burped into my bong.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I checked into jail on foursquare
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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