What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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