U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
