i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
