My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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