you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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