i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
