if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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