Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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