I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
