Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
