i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Randomize
