textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
