it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
