Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I believe in your delicious
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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