I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
