Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
