i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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