Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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