She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
