Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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