You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
