ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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