He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
i need some magic done to my vagina
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
